~ * One liners * ~

1. God is real, unless declared integer
2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4. Home is where the television is.
5. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
6. Death is hereditary.
7. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
9. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one
forgets.
10.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
11.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone
else..
12.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
13.Well done is better than well said.
14.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is
looking.
15.They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.
16.Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
17.You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
18.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
19.If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
20.Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way
street.
21.The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching
train.
22.Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
23.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
24.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
25.LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge
26.Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things
that
go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
27.The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
28.There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the
right side.
29.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it
sound confusing.